


Moonlight

by EndearingFond



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Badly Written Smut, Bottom Harry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Top Louis, eh, i suck at writing smut so bear with me, there is mentions of Harry and OFC but just mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 15:11:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12323511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndearingFond/pseuds/EndearingFond
Summary: A warm press of thumb was what rubbed the moisture away only to replace the same with a warm press of lips. It felt like coming home, it felt like free falling only to know that the other person would be right at the bottom. It felt like being in love and it being more than enough.





	Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> hello.
> 
> I just finished watching The Notebook and I was like a bit inspired by that to write this, so here you go.
> 
> i have yet not edited this so all the errors and grammatical mistakes are mine. i'll surely correct them later when I edit it.

Louis always loved moonlight more than anything. He always felt like the sunlight always exposed the imperfections in the broad daylight, the moonlight on the other hand simply just casted away those imperfections, making them appear more beautiful. He felt the moonlight could make anyone fall in love with them but at the end of the day, it’s all a deceitful lie, the perfect caricature of a fantasy, too good to be true.

Now that he and Harry were on the bare ground, the dewy moisture on the grass lighting scraping and seeping through the back of their shirts, he feels enchanted. The moonlight illuminating the side of Harry’s face, making it shine bright in the perfect way that makes you want to simply stare and get lost in that magical haze. Its enigmatic and enthralling, the moonlight. Harry is too but Louis feels as if just two adjectives are just not enough to explain his train of thoughts and emotions regarding the boy who is snuggled close to his body, his nose tucked in Louis’ shoulder, nuzzling the area. He wants nothing more than to simply lock the time in place and never let it go.

“What are you thinking about?” Harry’s deep voice cuts through Louis’ thoughts.

Louis simply shifts his body a little, making Harry burrow himself closer to the crook of his neck, their bodies intertwined.

“Nothing,” Louis replies after placing a chaste kiss on Harry’s temples, his lips lingering around the area for just a second more.

Harry was probably the only person who knew Louis like the back of his hand. it didn’t take him much time though, one look at the man and Harry just knew. He knew that those romance novels weren’t exaggerating like he always thought them to, because he could feel himself drawn to the man on the opposite side of the road, although it was the first time that he saw him. He could feel those thousands of butterflies erupt inside his belly when he heard Louis laugh, is hand curled around his lips, muffling that sweet tune. Harry just wanted to cross the road and simply remove that hand away so he could laugh his heart out while Harry could just relish that sweet voice.

It didn’t take much from there, Harry was creepily found staring right across at the unknown man and the next thing he knew was that the man was crossing the road, walking over to him. He felt his knees give out and all he wanted was to run and save him from getting embarrassed but all the same time, he wanted to stay there and maybe get to know the name of that man who intrigued his senses. Harry chose the latter.

It just escalated from there and all Harry remembers were that the next moment they were together. Just like that. Not officially, but just together. They went out on dates, drank at cheap clubs, snogged at the back of the car, and sometimes just laid down the bare fields looking up at the sky, staring blankly, just enjoying each other’s presence much like what they were doing now.

“I can literally feel your little peasant brain overworking itself, Lou,” Harry mumbles, his voice muffled along Louis’ neck “What are you thinking about?”

“I want everything with you, Harry. Everything,” Louis’ sudden thoughts seem to stir Harry and he simply rolled off of Louis’ body, supporting himself on his elbow looking at Louis with a questioning look. “What do you mean?” he finally asks.

“Do you ever think about our future, Haz?” Louis’ voice sounds so vulnerable, as if he isn’t even sure if he’s allowed to ask that. “Our small little cottage with a beautiful garden, a well decorated patio and maybe a few pets? We could build it ourselves and simply design them as our wish. It would be ours, Haz. Our little home, together,” Louis sighs.

“I-I do, Lou. I do think about our future and I want it all, want everything with you too. You know I do but it’s not easy for me, Louis. You have always known it was never going to be easy.” Harry could feel his voice cracking because of the guilt building inside him. He feels so repetitive with his words because this is not the first time that he said those words to the person who he loves with his entire being.

Status. Wealth. Reputation.

Harry’s father was the most popular businessman in Chesire. One of the most reputable personalities in the area, known for his dominance in the industry and even the entirety of the society. It was the same reason why Harry’s father lashed out on him when he came out to him. It was the same reason why Harry was forbidden to meet Louis when his father got the news delivered to him. Harry still remembers that week, that dreadful week of not being able to see Louis or touch him.

“You can see him, do whatever you want if you marry the person I tell you to marry,” were the final words that his father spoke. Harry agreed because if that was the only way to simply see Louis again and just get to hold him close for the time being, he would take it. He didn’t know why the idea of Louis repulsed his dad; Louis was a perfectly handsome and hardworking man who works day in and day out to provide for himself.

“Status. Wealth. Reputation,” his conscience chimed in.

Harry thought he would be able to persuade his dad when the time comes but he also knew deep down that it would not be possible. He knows his dad, he knows the man and his thoughts and beliefs. 

Harry hated the fact that he could never promise Louis a beautiful future just like the way he deserved, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was set to marry the beautiful daughter of the business partner his dad was collaborating with. It wasn’t a marriage. It was a mere business deal. Harry hated it, hated it all but hated himself the most because he was a coward. He was a spineless man who couldn’t even stand up to his father to fight for their love, the love that was rare and beautiful.

All Harry could do was hold Louis close and simply breathe him in, counting the days before it all would just vanish into the thin air, as if it was nothing but a beautiful dream. Harry knew it wasn’t because he could feel the front of his shirt getting soaked, Louis’ silent tears simply soaking into the shirt, while Harry tightened his embrace around the shaking form of that fragile boy.

“I love you,” Harry whispers.

“It isn’t enough.”

 

 

It was the last day that Louis saw Harry. After that night, Louis didn’t know what was right, his train of thoughts about the moonlight or his hopefulness about a miracle. He knew it was the prior one. Harry was his moonlight, deceitfully beautiful.

Every night Louis simply rolled off his bed and went to his farm to get on with his day. He didn’t have a set routine, sometimes he would work the entire day, sometimes he wouldn’t even get out of his bed. There was no in between. It has been 5 years, 5 whole years of being away from the boy who made him whole and made him feel. Louis didn’t feel anymore, he felt numb, sometimes empty.

“Hey, mate,” a loud booming sound echoed through the open fields making Louis turn around to find the source of the sound. Niall.

“Hey, Irish,” Louis replied back, his voice happy.

Louis met Niall on one of his sluggish nights, his entire night intoxicated with the amount of alcohol he consumed throughout the entire evening. Those were the initial days of his heartbreak, when all he wanted was to feel nothing and the alcohol helped. He doesn’t anymore, he has learnt the hard way. Niall was the one who dragged him over to his house that day and didn’t leave since that day on. Niall wanted a job, Louis wanted a friend. They have each other now. Niall helps around the farm and Louis simply enjoys his company because Niall is loud and vibrant and energetic, he makes him forget.

“What are we doing today?” Niall asked while munching down on his scone.

“Nothing much, Nialler. Just got to move around the area, check for the veggies and just water some if required.” Louis was about to say more but- “Want to head out tonight? Booze and dance?” Niall interrupted him.

Louis just wanted to decline much like the other times that he did but Niall’s pleading eyes simply made him nod in affirmation.

 

 

That was exactly what Louis found himself in that night, a cheap club and a few sweaty bodies surrounding the dance floor. He could feel someone press into his back, filthily grinding down. Louis seeked that rush, that sudden warmth of an unknown pair of hands callously grabbing him all throughout his body, his waist and his arse. He could feel that it was wrong, all wrong but he needed it. Louis would never admit the fact that he imagined those hands to be broad and firm, not plump and callous. It wasn’t Harry, it never will be.

Louis didn’t even wait to say goodbye to Niall, he just left. He ran out of the club and slumped down the brick wall adjoining it, his face tucked into his knees. He didn’t even realise he was crying but he could feel his entire body shake and stir. Louis didn’t realise that there were any tears remnant in his body, apparently he was wrong because his eyes seem to deceive him on the thoughts of Harry. Traitor.

Louis simply just picked himself up and started making the brief walk towards his house. He never referred to it as “Home”, not after Harry left him. He never did anymore because it didn’t feel like it. The walk was brief but he could feel the alcohol streaming along his body, making his movements impaired. He somehow reached the gate of his house and unhooked the clasp to the small wooden gate that he made himself.

He could feel the sound of the gravel crunching underneath his shoes, the only distant sound that reached his ear. He could feel the cool breeze brush past his ears, creating a swooshing sound. He loved the calmness and the quiet.

“You built it,” Louis simply shook his head, trying to figure it if it was a hallucination or someone actually spoke. He squinted his eyes to locate the source of the sound only to simply stand there awestruck.

Harry.

Louis shook his head again, slapped his cheeks a few more times and rubbed his eyes to understand if what he is seeing in front of him is a fragment of his imagination or the extra shots that he took before leaving the club. Probably both.

“Yo-You actually built our home,” Harry’s voice came out shaky and broken. He was crying, Louis knew he was. As much as Louis just wanted to step forward and engulf Harry in his arms, he didn’t know if he had the right to anymore.

“I did.” Louis slurred out, gripping the wooden fence tightly.

Louis wanted to ask so many questions, so many things that Harry left unanswered. He wanted to ask how Harry felt not being loved with him anymore, does it hurt, and does it feel awful? Louis wanted to ask how he could just up and leave if he claimed to be in love with him? Didn’t Louis deserve any explanation? A valid goodbye? Louis wanted to punch Harry, make him feel the pain that Louis endured for the past five years but his entire mind screamed to kiss Harry, to feel the warmth of those plush cherry lips against his.

“C-Can I stay here?” Harry asked sheepishly, his head tilted down, his fingers fidgeting with the loose hem of the t-shirt.

“Okay.” Louis didn’t have it in himself to fight anymore. He was tired and drunk, the questions can wait.

Louis’ hand and mind coordination was completely shit, he blamed the alcohol but he knew deep down that it was probably because of the rapidly beating heart because of the boy sitting right next to him on his bed.

It used to be their bed. Used to be. Used.

Louis simply sighs heavily, wiping away the stray lone tear cascading down the rim of his right eye. He just wanted to sleep and wake up tomorrow, thinking all of it was nothing but a dream, a bloody nightmare.

Without any further words, Louis stripped down to his boxers and simply tossed his trousers away and slid under the duvet, switching off his bedside lamp. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep. He knew his mind just won’t shut with the faint smell of vanilla and coconut right next to him. He knew it but he found that awkward silence more painful than pretending to be asleep.

Harry didn’t say anything since the last words he said to Louis after seeing him, right on that porch near the gate of the small cottage. _Their_ cottage. Louis built him it just like he promised he would. Harry didn’t know if he should be honoured and feel loved or hatch more of the undying guilt in his mind. He chose to stay silent. When he found Louis laid down on his side of the bed, he simply stood up and decided to simply sleep close to Louis on the other side, even if it’s for the last time, even if it is the last time he feels the familiar warmth of the boy who made his heart full.

Switching the beside lamp off on his side of the bed, Harry simply slid under the duvet and curled in on himself, his hands and knees brought close to his chest. He could feel the onslaught of tears that were already on the verge on falling, carelessly falling down the side of his cheek, wetting the pillow.

“I love you.” Harry whispered to the boy who was slept just beside him hoping the words would go unheard.

“It never is enough.” Louis’ faint reply left past his lips, his side of the pillow wet as well.

 

 

Mornings are always the same old, the bright sunlight peeking through the curtains and the birds chirping happily. Louis always envied the bird because how come they are always happily chirping and never upset but then he thought about the other struggles they face quite often, being a prey, the harsh weather and sometimes lack of food. The birds inspired him to carry on with his life, to not let anything break him.

_“There’s nothing left to break.”_ His mind would chime in.

It is yet another morning and Louis simply rolls around on his bed, stretching his limbs when the events of last night flash through his mind. He quickly jumps out of the bed only to find the other side empty.

“He left again.”

Louis was done crying and weeping over a boy but his mind still seems to pull out any sort of reverence to the past and he always finds himself crying, his cheeks wet and his eyes red. When does it stop hurting? _“Probably, never.”_ Is what he always got in reply.

Quickly after going over his morning routine and brushing his teeth, Louis walked out of his bedroom to fix himself a cup of tea and then get to work. Just like every other day, he simply went out to his porch to glance through the fields and check out the condition, only today he felt his gaze freeze.

Because there was Harry, sat on the side of the field, his shoulders hunched and probably shaking. He didn’t leave, Harry didn’t leave. Louis didn’t even register his legs working along dragging him towards then boy, until he stood there, right behind Harry, almost towering over him. Harry was crying, no, ugly sobbing, rather.

Louis simply sat down beside him, folding his hands on his lap, giving Harry the time and space to collect his thoughts and maybe speak something out. He didn’t.

“Why are you here, Harry?” Louis asked, finally breaking the silence.

“I-I missed you.” Harry croaked out.

“Why are you here, Harry?” Louis repeated the question again with a firmer tone.

Louis didn’t know what to expect, didn’t know what he was waiting to hear but he didn’t expect Harry to start shouting, his voice wrecked and broken  almost as if he cried the whole night.

“i-I don’t know, Louis. I don’t know, okay? I just needed to see you, needed to see for myself. I am getting married in two days to the person my dad “sold” me to for a business deal and here I am, sitting on the field of the man I am in love with, trying to contemplate if my life is worth living anymore. So when you ask me what I am doing here, I don’t know. I wanted to see you, I needed you, even if it’s for the very last time.” Harry kept breathing heavily, his voice muffled in his knees where he pressed his face, trying to make the pain go away.

Harry was almost set on the fact that he would never be able to feel the warmth that Louis’ touch brought him, he was sure of the fact that Louis would never touch or comfort him the way he used to but then he felt it, right on his shoulders, burning through. He could feel himself getting pulled to a warm chest, the faint smell of flowers from the washing powder that Louis used for his laundry. And while this was supposed to make him feel better, feel safe, he felt himself crumbling and breaking even more because he wouldn’t get to have this anymore.

“Don’t cry.” Louis said while his hands roamed around Harry’s back rubbing soothing circles to make the boy stop shaking.

No one knows who did it first, but the next moment, Harry looks up with his red rimmed eyes and dives in for a kiss, meeting Louis halfway across, smashing their lips, chasing that familiar taste and warmth.

Harry needed something to ground him and he simply snaked his hands around Louis’ neck bringing his face closer, moulding their lips in a kiss, their tongues battling each other for dominance. Louis was the one who broke the trance and simply stood up, holding his hand out to Harry who takes it without any kind of questions. Louis leads them towards the cottage, walking past the kitchen straight into the bedroom.

No one asks any questions because they are not ready to answer any of it. Not that its going to be of any use. Louis knows that Harry is going to leave the moment this ends, Harry is getting married in two days and there’s nothing he could do to stop it from happening. That definitely doesn’t mean that he can’t be selfish, for just once in his life, and revel in the warmth that Harry brings him. Just one last time.

Louis lays Harry down on the bed carefully propping his head on a pillow, hovering over him. He gently leans down to peck Harry’s lips, looking into his eyes, asking for permission. Harry simply nodded his head and Louis started unbuttoning his jeans and the shirt that he was wearing, quickly stripping him down to his boxers.

Louis would never get tired of knowing how beautiful Harry is. Perfect, in every sense.

It was then that Louis started peppering Harry’s face with kisses, biting down the side of his neck, alternately sucking and licking on it. Harry moaned out in pleasure, his cock straining against his boxers. He just wanted to feel, just wanted to feel loved and wanted. He needed it, just one more time. Harry’s hands slipped past Louis’ back, grabbing onto his arse.

Louis quickly slid his boxers off and was again hovering over Harry, completely naked grinding down over Harry’s clothed dick. It felt so good that Louis could cry out in pleasure and pain.

“I-I need you, Lou.” Harry was so close to losing it and Louis didn’t want this moment to be over, not before he felt him properly.

Louis quickly undid Harry’s boxers and started rubbing his palm over Harry’s chest, all the while grinding dryly over Harry’s cock. He latched his lips around Harry’s right nipple, sucking hardly on it while twisting the other one with his left hand. Harry arched his back and started humping faster, trying to seek some kind of friction and a release. Louis quickly slid off Harry and went in to retrieve the lube from the bedside table.

They were doing this. They were going to share the most intimate form of affection and that too for the very last time. Louis quickly shook the thoughts out of his head and slid on the bed, carefully turning Harry over so he was resting on his stomach. He worked his way with the lube and started pressing in his finger past Harry’s rim, while Harry squirmed and whimpered underneath him, rubbing his cock down on the sheets underneath, chasing friction. Louis simply pushed past the ring of muscles and scissor around Harry’s hole to create more room. He wanted Harry to feel loved and Louis just wanted to take his time with it. But then he remembered that time is probably the only thing that they don’t have.

“I-I am ready, Lou. Just get on with it. I need you.” Harry’s said, his voice demanding yet so vulnerable.

Louis worked the condom out of the wrapper and was just about to put it on when a hand stopped him.

“You don’t have to.” Harry’s voice came through, small and barely a whisper.

“I do.” Louis choked out and he couldn’t even dare looking at Harry because he knew the effect it would have on Harry, knowing that Louis slept with other people and that too bare. That was supposed to be with the only person you love, isn’t it?

Louis finally pushed in, letting Harry adjust to his size, pressing soft lingering kisses on his back and if he could feel Harry’s body shaking and the pillow under him wet, Louis didn’t question him any further.

Just after Louis bottomed out, he pulled out and slammed himself into Harry, driving the boy off the bed, almost. Louis held firmly onto Harry’s hips, quickly making his way with a steady rhythm of skin slapping against skin. Harry moaned out while Louis was nothing but silent. He felt his heart tear out into pieces because Harry would leave after this and Louis would rather die than feel anything now. It hurt, it hurt so badly.

It all ended with Harry screaming out Louis’ name and Louis closely finishing himself off after a few more thrusts. Louis didn’t even look back after he tied the condom and threw it inside the trash beside the table; he just slid off the bed and walked out to the kitchen, letting Harry alone to collect his thoughts.

Harry came out of the room, dressed and ready to leave. Louis didn’t say anything till Harry walked up to him and made him look up at the boy.

“Bye.” Harry said.

“So, this is what it was to you? A quick shag and a flimsy good bye? That is all that I am deserving of, Harry?” Louis was livid. Hurt and livid.

“Y-You know I can’t. I can’t just up and leave and disappoint my father, Louis. I just can’t do that. He doesn’t deserve that.” Louis didn’t know if he wanted to cry or laugh out.

“Disappoint? And what about me Harry? What about my feelings? What about the pain that I have to endure, the pain that you leave behind every single time that you leave? What about me, Harry? Do I not mean anything to you?” Louis felt his cheeks moist and his eyes burry. When do this god damn tears stop?

“I-I want to stay with you, Lou. You know I want to but my father, h-he would never let me. He never accepted me for who I was, Louis. What makes you think he’d let me be yours? I-I can’t put you in trouble. I know my father, Lou. I know he would do anything to make me stay. Probably even tip someone off to kill you and- and I can’t let that happen.” Harry didn’t know what more to do, he didn’t have anything more to say which is why he turned around and started walking towards the entrance when he felt Louis hold onto his wrist.

“Do-Don’t go, Harry. Please. W-We will find a way, we’ll elope, we’ll go to some other country. I promise I’ll work harder, I’ll work more and more to sustain us. Please, just stay.” Louis was on his knees, sobbing his heart out pleading Harry to just stay back, to just consider it.

Harry quickly shook his head and ran out of the door, his constant stream of tears blurring his vision and his knees wobbly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Louis didn’t move from that floor till the next day when Niall barged in only to find the boy curled around himself, sleeping on the floor, unaware of the world.

 

 

Harry got married yesterday, well, that’s what Louis knows as per the details Harry gave him. As much as Louis wanted to believe in miracles, he decided that they were just a bunch of shit. Nothing else. Louis was currently sat on his field, after a long day of hard work, basking in the sun that was pleasant on his skin. It seemed like the only source of warmth nowadays. Louis didn’t even realised when he started admiring the sunlight more, probably after he lose his moonlight, he decides.

Just as he was about to get up and leave the field, he could feel someone towering over him, casting a shadow in front. He looked up only to feel his world stand still. Harry was there.

“Probably just came to tease you with the ring.” Louis’ conscience added.

Louis couldn’t even contemplate the next sentences out of his mouth, before he felt Harry stoop down and kiss him fervently. His palms caressing the small hair around Louis’ neck, seeking some sort of grip, something to hold on to.

Louis quickly broke out of the trance and shoved Harry away from him.

“STOP DOING THIS. STOP DOING THIS EVERY SINGLE TIME, HARRY. THERE’S ONLY A LOT THAT I CAN TAKE. I AM DONE, I AM EMPTY, I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE YOU. JUST, GO. LEAVE.” Louis screamed out, his voice shrill and broken.

Harry only stepped forward and wound his arms around Louis, bringing him close to his chest, holding him tight, while sobs wracked through Louis’ body.

Harry kept murmuring a constant chime of “I love You” into Louis’ ear, holding his closer to his chest, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“IT NEVER IS ENOUGH, HARRY.” Louis shouted, his voice muffled into Harry’s chest.

“It is. This time, it is.” Harry said reassuringly only for Louis to look up at him with red rimmed eyes seeking any trace of joke. He couldn’t find any.

That is exactly when Louis’ eyes fell on the suitcases that were right behind Harry. His car right beside that.

“I am home, Lou. I am here, with you. I went back to my house that day and couldn’t even contemplate the empty feeling that shell of a house brought me and I stayed there all my life, Louis. My entire life and I couldn’t feel a single trace of emotion right inside that house. And then I spent a single day here, with you and I just couldn’t brush out the feelings of being loved and being at home that I got. I don’t want to live a life where I can’t be yours and you can’t be mine, Lou. I can’t imagine a life where I say I love you to you and you don’t say it back. I just can’t-“ and that was the breaking point for Harry when he simply closed his eyes, only to feel tear drops gliding down his cheek.

A warm press of thumb was what rubbed the moisture away only to replace the same with a warm press of lips. It felt like coming home, it felt like free falling only to know that the other person would be right at the bottom. It felt like being in love and it being more than enough.

“I love you.” Harry said.

“I love you too, moonlight.” Louis replied back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading.


End file.
